I AM IMPORTANT!
I can well remember the first meeting I had with a recovery professional back in 1994.
He asked me about myself, and I quickly gave him a list of my personal, athletic, business and community volunteer leadership roles. Man, I was important!
I was quickly told that I was self centered and had an ego as big as Ontario (truly I had no self-esteem left). I had a need to be right and was very sensitive to criticism. Can you relate?
Call it self importance, call it ego, call it false pride; I have now accepted the defects I have, who I am and can handle criticism when it is merited and take responsibility for my own mistakes. (I certainly have not become a doormat).
Self importance certainly delayed my start to a life transformation and journey of life recovery.
From Hazelden:
Self importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.
--Carlos Castaneda
“Were we offended by someone yesterday? Do we harbour resentment for remarks, oversights, or unpleasant mannerisms? Do we feel tense or uneasy about how someone else has treated us? We can probably make a good case to justify our reactions. Perhaps we are in the right and they are in the wrong.
Yet, even if we are justified, it doesn't matter. We may be puffing ourselves up and wasting energy. When we are oversensitive, we take a self-righteous position which leads us far from our path of spiritual awakening. Our strength is diminished.
How much better it is to let go of the lightness, let go of our grandiosity, and accept the imperfections in others. We need to accept our own imperfections too. When we do, we are better for it, and our strength and energy can be focused on richer goals.
I will accept others' imperfections; I do not need to be right. “
Appreciate that self importance is holding you back in having the life you want? If we can help you to develop an action plan with realistic goals, please contact through www.hopeserenity.ca.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
यू अरे थे ANSWER
YOU ARE THE ANSWER
As I began to recover a life that I am happy with, I made a discovery through the "coaching" of others. Within me all along, I had the answers; I did need a guide to help me find them. The answers were found through a spiritual (not religious) awakening.
Once again, I was reminded of this fact through a posting by my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons in his weekly Idea Engineer.
All is mind
"I want to know the thoughts of God; the rest are details." -- Albert Einstein
Everything -- absolutely everything -- that happens in our lives has a spiritual cause. Events on all other levels -- mental, emotional and physical -- are only effects.
When we are struggling with any challenge, whether it be ill health, a lack of money, a lost job, relationships, an accident, whatever -- we need to look for the spiritual learning. We can ask ourselves, "What quality does my soul want me to live more fully?"
"If you start to think the problem is 'out there,' stop yourself. That thought is the problem." -- Stephen Covey
I know today that I was the problem, and when I established conscious contact with that small quiet voice within, I found answers. Want to kick this thought around, contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
As I began to recover a life that I am happy with, I made a discovery through the "coaching" of others. Within me all along, I had the answers; I did need a guide to help me find them. The answers were found through a spiritual (not religious) awakening.
Once again, I was reminded of this fact through a posting by my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons in his weekly Idea Engineer.
All is mind
"I want to know the thoughts of God; the rest are details." -- Albert Einstein
Everything -- absolutely everything -- that happens in our lives has a spiritual cause. Events on all other levels -- mental, emotional and physical -- are only effects.
When we are struggling with any challenge, whether it be ill health, a lack of money, a lost job, relationships, an accident, whatever -- we need to look for the spiritual learning. We can ask ourselves, "What quality does my soul want me to live more fully?"
"If you start to think the problem is 'out there,' stop yourself. That thought is the problem." -- Stephen Covey
I know today that I was the problem, and when I established conscious contact with that small quiet voice within, I found answers. Want to kick this thought around, contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
होलिस्टिक हैल्थ/BALANCE
HOLISTIC HEALTH/BALANCE
“Health is wholeness and balance, an inner resilience that allows you to meet the demands of living without being overwhelmed.”
— Andrew Weil, MD
Health is wholeness, and health is multi-faceted. When major areas of health are addressed, balance results.
With an MD such as Dr. Weil, physical health is of primary importance. Keys are proper eating, exercise and rest and all in moderation. To co-creatively ensure your physical well being, regular check-ups are a key. On top of the check with your MD, following his/her advice and actually doing follow-up testing, and following suggestions including taking meds as advised is required action.
As important is your mental health.
More and more about mental health is being made available. The shame associated with depression and other "mental" issues is dissipating as more and more well known figures go public with issues they have faced. Included in this area are addictions, definitely a mental health issue.
For me, following Doctors suggestions and practising the principles of the 12 steps is a key to good mental hygiene. It took a great deal of intestinal fortitude for me to accept I had mental health issues, and courage to address them.
Finally, for me to optimize life balance, I had to bring a spiritual, not religious, component into my life. This helped me realize that my self will had gone amuck and that I was not all powerful. The adding of a spiritual element into my life was assisted by "others", and I had to release many of the "religious" ideas that I had. Within me I became very aware of a spirit of good, knowing and acting upon what I knew to be right and acting in an increasing basis on these feelings. Many of these actions went against what had become my norm, but by increasing conscious contact with the divine spirit within, my spirituality constantly increase. Conscious contact, including both prayer and meditation are a part of my "daily balance".
All of these "balance" components were done with help beyond me, whether it is human or otherwise.
From one of my "outside" sources, I was given a daily checklist. When I incorporate it into a daily set of activities (and record these on the check list), my life seems to remain fairly balanced on a daily basis. If you would like a free copy of this check list, please request it by emailing khbray@hopeserenity.ca; no strings attached.
The Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery is the basis of my daily living. It was developed through a collaborative effort with people who have and are walking a path of life recovery and whose lives have transformed over an extended period of time. Each of us faced different challenges. Each of us enjoys a much more abundant life than we imagined; each of us, using Co-Creative Recovery has experienced life transformation in keeping with their own goals; each of us has holistically recovered and continue to work at recovery; and each of us, although facing our own individual challenges, have done the same basic work with help from outside.
Interested in regaining a balanced life, I would be pleased to share with you what has worked for me and millions of others.
It's thanksgiving this weekend in Canada, and a great time to give thanks for what co-creative, holistic recovery has given to me!
“Health is wholeness and balance, an inner resilience that allows you to meet the demands of living without being overwhelmed.”
— Andrew Weil, MD
Health is wholeness, and health is multi-faceted. When major areas of health are addressed, balance results.
With an MD such as Dr. Weil, physical health is of primary importance. Keys are proper eating, exercise and rest and all in moderation. To co-creatively ensure your physical well being, regular check-ups are a key. On top of the check with your MD, following his/her advice and actually doing follow-up testing, and following suggestions including taking meds as advised is required action.
As important is your mental health.
More and more about mental health is being made available. The shame associated with depression and other "mental" issues is dissipating as more and more well known figures go public with issues they have faced. Included in this area are addictions, definitely a mental health issue.
For me, following Doctors suggestions and practising the principles of the 12 steps is a key to good mental hygiene. It took a great deal of intestinal fortitude for me to accept I had mental health issues, and courage to address them.
Finally, for me to optimize life balance, I had to bring a spiritual, not religious, component into my life. This helped me realize that my self will had gone amuck and that I was not all powerful. The adding of a spiritual element into my life was assisted by "others", and I had to release many of the "religious" ideas that I had. Within me I became very aware of a spirit of good, knowing and acting upon what I knew to be right and acting in an increasing basis on these feelings. Many of these actions went against what had become my norm, but by increasing conscious contact with the divine spirit within, my spirituality constantly increase. Conscious contact, including both prayer and meditation are a part of my "daily balance".
All of these "balance" components were done with help beyond me, whether it is human or otherwise.
From one of my "outside" sources, I was given a daily checklist. When I incorporate it into a daily set of activities (and record these on the check list), my life seems to remain fairly balanced on a daily basis. If you would like a free copy of this check list, please request it by emailing khbray@hopeserenity.ca; no strings attached.
The Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery is the basis of my daily living. It was developed through a collaborative effort with people who have and are walking a path of life recovery and whose lives have transformed over an extended period of time. Each of us faced different challenges. Each of us enjoys a much more abundant life than we imagined; each of us, using Co-Creative Recovery has experienced life transformation in keeping with their own goals; each of us has holistically recovered and continue to work at recovery; and each of us, although facing our own individual challenges, have done the same basic work with help from outside.
Interested in regaining a balanced life, I would be pleased to share with you what has worked for me and millions of others.
It's thanksgiving this weekend in Canada, and a great time to give thanks for what co-creative, holistic recovery has given to me!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
अत्तितुदे (अबाउट थे पस्त)
Attitude (About the Past)
To move forward, I had to deal with what was behind me. My attitude towards life as I entered transformative recovery needed a major adjustment.
A large part of the adjustment was dealing with the past (my history).
Whatever is done is over. It cannot be changed. But my attitude about it can be changed through talking with those who have gone before and with mentors.
I can wish the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done, my attitude will change.
I won't have to wish the past away. I can change my feelings and attitude but only through my actions and the help of others.
Thought to Ponder . . .Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
This is a great question to ask your self. If you don't like the answer, contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca, and let's see if you can get on track.
I also have frequently asked myself the question over the years spent in life recovery.
When I didn't like the answer, I sought help.
Today I am happy to face daily living with a positive attitude and with gratitude, hope and peace of mind. The past is just history. To be learned from but not relived. Recovery has given me an awakening; a major attitude adjustment!
To move forward, I had to deal with what was behind me. My attitude towards life as I entered transformative recovery needed a major adjustment.
A large part of the adjustment was dealing with the past (my history).
Whatever is done is over. It cannot be changed. But my attitude about it can be changed through talking with those who have gone before and with mentors.
I can wish the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done, my attitude will change.
I won't have to wish the past away. I can change my feelings and attitude but only through my actions and the help of others.
Thought to Ponder . . .Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
This is a great question to ask your self. If you don't like the answer, contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca, and let's see if you can get on track.
I also have frequently asked myself the question over the years spent in life recovery.
When I didn't like the answer, I sought help.
Today I am happy to face daily living with a positive attitude and with gratitude, hope and peace of mind. The past is just history. To be learned from but not relived. Recovery has given me an awakening; a major attitude adjustment!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
टाइम तो BLOSSOM
Time to blossom
"The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people's expectations." -- Julie Cameron
Ah, the expectations of others. They had a huge (negative) impact on my life, how about yours?
I lived many years feeling that I had failed the expectations of others; and this certainly included my parents. Life was not great feeling like you didn't measure up. Although I accomplished quite a bit, it never seemed to be enough or in the right areas. I think many can relate. In his Idea Engineer, my mentor Dr. Randin Brons writes this week:
"Many of us unconsciously believe that we're unworthy or defective. We adopted this belief very early in our lives when the people we looked up to disapproved of our demands, wishes and behaviours. We concluded that we had to learn to be good.
Unfortunately, 'being good' usually meant giving up our own differences or uniqueness. We learned that we might get the love we wanted if we acted and felt like others wanted us to.
If we seek true joy and connection with life, we now need to remove these artificial masks and express our deep authentic nature."
Through hard work and being a follower of the "Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery", I have been blessed to find that elusive thing- my authentic self- a self that I am happy with! Through the guidance of others and the principles of the 12 steps, I am finally able to be true to myself. What a relief...finally. Want to chat about finding the same? I can be reached through www.hopeserenity.ca.
"For all those years you've protected the seed. It's time to become the beautiful flower." -- Stephen C. Paul
"The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people's expectations." -- Julie Cameron
Ah, the expectations of others. They had a huge (negative) impact on my life, how about yours?
I lived many years feeling that I had failed the expectations of others; and this certainly included my parents. Life was not great feeling like you didn't measure up. Although I accomplished quite a bit, it never seemed to be enough or in the right areas. I think many can relate. In his Idea Engineer, my mentor Dr. Randin Brons writes this week:
"Many of us unconsciously believe that we're unworthy or defective. We adopted this belief very early in our lives when the people we looked up to disapproved of our demands, wishes and behaviours. We concluded that we had to learn to be good.
Unfortunately, 'being good' usually meant giving up our own differences or uniqueness. We learned that we might get the love we wanted if we acted and felt like others wanted us to.
If we seek true joy and connection with life, we now need to remove these artificial masks and express our deep authentic nature."
Through hard work and being a follower of the "Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery", I have been blessed to find that elusive thing- my authentic self- a self that I am happy with! Through the guidance of others and the principles of the 12 steps, I am finally able to be true to myself. What a relief...finally. Want to chat about finding the same? I can be reached through www.hopeserenity.ca.
"For all those years you've protected the seed. It's time to become the beautiful flower." -- Stephen C. Paul
Monday, October 5, 2009
गेट real
GET REAL (with expectations)
Another one of those readings that struck a chord, and reminded me of universal truths in life and recovering an abundant life!
I am a very avid golfer; some have even accused me of being addicted to the sport. Funny, what I really like about golf is the sociability of the game coupled with the natural outdoors setting. At my darkest times, I found more serenity on the golf course than in any other spot on earth.
People assume because you play a lot and are passionate, that you are good at it. For me and golf, this is not the case. I have not mastered the game and at best have achieved a level of competency. My love of the game comes from enjoying it for what it is, knowing realistically my own limitations, and setting reasonable expectations for myself. Pro's look at par on most courses as a score of 72. For me, par is 90 and when I score below that, it is a very good feeling. Like Tiger Woods, I do expect that if I do my best, I will score below par.
The reading:
"Stop expecting too much from yourself.
--Anonymous
When there is too wide a gap between standards we set for ourselves and our actual achievement, unhappiness follows. If we can't improve the performance, we should lower the demands. When we are true to ourselves, we come to expect only that which we are capable of doing. As we grow each day in recovery, we are able to do more.
What we expect from ourselves can change the next day. It is very important that through our meetings and conversations with fellow members, we keep close tabs on our development. We find out that life is for living, and it is better lived when we do our assignments every day.
We are really never given more than we can do. As long as we have realistic goals, we will be given what we need to succeed".
If I worked at golf like it was a day job, I would reduce my expected score expectation. But as stated, sociability and environment remain my key objectives. Of course I like to do the best that I am capable of; I know without constant practise, I place limitations on myself and have to always remember that.
As you contemplate life recovery, or look at strengthening your recovery program, keep this writing in mind. Do the best you can with the effort you put into things. If you want more, increase the practise time and keep expectations in line with effort.
Need some help with this issue? We can be reached through www.hopeserenity.ca. In the meantime, quit beating yourself up. You'll get back in direct proportion to what you put in. There are no shortcuts.
Another one of those readings that struck a chord, and reminded me of universal truths in life and recovering an abundant life!
I am a very avid golfer; some have even accused me of being addicted to the sport. Funny, what I really like about golf is the sociability of the game coupled with the natural outdoors setting. At my darkest times, I found more serenity on the golf course than in any other spot on earth.
People assume because you play a lot and are passionate, that you are good at it. For me and golf, this is not the case. I have not mastered the game and at best have achieved a level of competency. My love of the game comes from enjoying it for what it is, knowing realistically my own limitations, and setting reasonable expectations for myself. Pro's look at par on most courses as a score of 72. For me, par is 90 and when I score below that, it is a very good feeling. Like Tiger Woods, I do expect that if I do my best, I will score below par.
The reading:
"Stop expecting too much from yourself.
--Anonymous
When there is too wide a gap between standards we set for ourselves and our actual achievement, unhappiness follows. If we can't improve the performance, we should lower the demands. When we are true to ourselves, we come to expect only that which we are capable of doing. As we grow each day in recovery, we are able to do more.
What we expect from ourselves can change the next day. It is very important that through our meetings and conversations with fellow members, we keep close tabs on our development. We find out that life is for living, and it is better lived when we do our assignments every day.
We are really never given more than we can do. As long as we have realistic goals, we will be given what we need to succeed".
If I worked at golf like it was a day job, I would reduce my expected score expectation. But as stated, sociability and environment remain my key objectives. Of course I like to do the best that I am capable of; I know without constant practise, I place limitations on myself and have to always remember that.
As you contemplate life recovery, or look at strengthening your recovery program, keep this writing in mind. Do the best you can with the effort you put into things. If you want more, increase the practise time and keep expectations in line with effort.
Need some help with this issue? We can be reached through www.hopeserenity.ca. In the meantime, quit beating yourself up. You'll get back in direct proportion to what you put in. There are no shortcuts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
